5 Rules in English Class

   [UPDATE: Rules for Year 2 & Year 3]

   I've yet to write about my school, but I've been a bit occupied recently so I hope this post will do for now.

   Remember the '6 Rules' thing that I posted about last year? Well, I never did get around to carrying them out so I could not update you on the results. However, I'm quite determined that I'd do it for at least one of my English classes at SKST. I fact, I've already started it for one of my classes. Here are the rules:

YEAR 4

YEAR 3

YEAR 2

   Since my pupils are all Muslims, it seemed appropriate for Rule Number 1 to be set. Technically speaking, they are NOT all exactly rules, but I believe they will help in setting some sort of goals for the children to achieve. Besides, it'll help them memorise some lines in English, and get them used to the idea of actually using the language.

   I'm currently at home and will be returning to GM tomorrow, Insya-Allah, If I have time, I'll write a bit about some more stuff later. TTFN.

Reflective Practitioner: What Should Teachers Think About?

   My supervisor during practicum was Madam Jane. She was an excellent supervisor and I could write one whole post about her. I feel blessed to have had her guidance throughout practicum, and I've yet to buy her a gift to thank her! I hope any juniors who get her will learn as much as they can from Mdm J.


   Being the 'rajin' sort of lecturer that she was, she wrote down these question while observing my (or my partner's, I don't remember) class. These questions are really good, and help you to think and reflect upon your teaching. It would be good if you take the time to answer then, whoever you supervisor is. You could also include this in your portfolio. 

Reflective Practitioner

1.     How can teachers create instructional opportunities that reflect an understanding of how all children learn and develop?

2.     How can teachers adequately address the enormous diversity of today’s learners and approaches to learning?

3.     How can they use a variety of formal and informal assessment strategies to support the continuous development of each learner?

4.     How can we encourage teachers to be reflective, to inform their practice with a deep understanding of how children learn and develop?

Reflective practitioner:     

-   theory and experience continuously informing and shaping each other

-   constant back and forth between the teacher’s theories about learning and what is really happening in the classroom

                               

5.     What teacher behaviours contribute to students’ achievement and success?

6.     How can teachers engage in systematic inquiry that can help them improve their teaching in a way that is more likely to ensure that kids ‘get it’?

   Being the nice person that I am (ahhem!), I've also uploaded the questions in the form of a Microsoft Word document. You can download it using the link below. Included is a mind-map, also by Mdm Jane.

DOWNLOAD: REFLECTIVE PRACTITIONER

How to Write Your Reflection After a Lesson

[I am still waiting for news on posting. While I already know which state I have been posted to (Kelantan, in case you didn't read my last post), there's still no definite news about which school it is etc. I suppose there are a lot of meetings going on about it, so I hope we will have news soon, Insya-Allah.]

   In the spirit of posting, as well as the fact that my TESL juniors are going to start their first day of practicum this coming Monday, I'd like to write a non-news and practicum-based post, hoping it will be useful for the girls and also anyone who will be going to practicum as well. I wish to share what I experienced, and i hope it benefits anybody who needs some tips.

   Basically, during practicum every teacher trainee has to keep and update a huge and heavy record book which contains all your lesson plans. After each lesson, you must write a reflection in your record book. Below are some tips and guidelines for writing your post-lesson reflection:

When to Write

This is important. Unless you have a class, meeting or other important activities, write your reflection immediately after your class has ended. Find a nice and quite place to do this, but of course you could do this in the staff room. I found the canteen at my school the most peaceful place to write a reflection (but of course during lesson hours, if you were to do this during break when students run amok while filling their tummies, it definitely wouldn't work!), though I only went there for this purpose once or twice, which I regret. It's good to have some peace and quiet to mull  over things. Most importantly, you need to write while the memory is still fresh in your mind.

What to Write

Your reflection does not have to be too long. If it is, then it's fine but make it focused, don't ramble on and on about unnecessary things. Don't make it too short either. Your main focus is on:

• the weaknesses of your plan- perhaps how something you planned didn't work, or how you forgot to include something in your plan
• the mistakes that occurred in your lesson
• strategies on making improvement for future lessons

By focusing on these areas, you will have a clear view of what to write and it will also benefit you in planning your future lessons. You may also write about positive things that you noticed about the lesson, but I like to focus on the mistakes because it helps me a lot and I don't want to write a 3-page article instead of a simple reflection! Besides, you can write a longer reflection and include it in your porfolio (find time to do this if you can, and you don't have to write by hand, you can always type it!).

Typing vs. Writing by Hand

My first reflections were typed because i didn't particularly like my handwriting and I also  did not follow my the tip, hoho (I waited until I got home to write the reflections! Bad idea.) However, it is better to just write the reflections since you need to do it right away. Trust me!

Sample

To sum this post up, here is a sample of one of my own reflections, taken from my practicum record book. It is not that good, but since it includes some feedback from my lecturer on it I think it suffices for a sample. 

UPDATE: I no longer have my practicum record book as one of my lecturers borrowed it and I don;t think I'll be going back to my IPG in the near future to retrieve it. However, if anybody reading this would like to share their reflections, please feel free to do so. Remember, we all learn from one another!

I miss my kids...

   I'm supposed to upload useful things on this blog, such as lesson plans and tips on teaching (yeah... a yet-to-be-officially-announced-as-a-teacher giving tips..hah!) so that this blog  can more or less be useful to people who read it, but I don't feel up to it right now.

   Right now, I rather miss my kids non-stop chatter. I was always complaining about how they talked too much. The real truth is... I like it when they talk a lot! They tell me things, and I like it because it means they're not afraid of me. However, it became a problem whenever I had to prepare to be observed.

   Anyway, I thought I'd reveal my sweethearts to the world today! (Hopefully it helps to mask my laziness to post anything useful). Just pics today. Later when I feel more 'rajin' I'll write some things about some of them- just for the sake of sharing my experience in teaching rowdy 9 year olds who just want attention- and given it, work really well during lessons.

Left to right: Alif, Syukri
Alif's my personal favourite.
What can I do? I'm a bit biased, haha.

Left to right: Amirul, Syhami, Syahrizan
Naughty boys. Rasa nak jentik je all the time :P

Left to right: Aisyah, Noriza & Aisyah
The two Aisyahs are besties

Left to right: Adina, Suhana
Eza particularly likes Adina, whom she says is very cute
They're both in pemulihan, but sometimes they're spirits in working rivals that of the others

   Only one of them is missing- Imran, who's pretty much the star in the class when it comes to English (And from what I know, all the other subjects too). He was absent a lot, including on my last day at school. Nak kena dak Imran nih!

   I've been wanting to buy a camera ever since I started SBE... but that wish is yet to be fulfilled. So far I just make do with my camera phone which produces 'okay' photos, but how I long for that camera!

   Camera or no camera, one of my biggest regrets is that I didn't take enough pictures when I was at SKP... huhu. Masa SBE bukan main lagi snap2. Masa practicum entah kenapa hilang semangat ambik gambo...

Sick of Lesson Plans!

   About the only thing that keeps me going to school is the thought of my pupils. I am, to be very honest, burnt out from writing lesson plans! There are only 3 weeks to go, and I cannot bear the thought of having to leave the school which has taught me so much and provided the ground for meeting so many wonderful people (which includes the pupils, haha), but I also cannot wait for teaching practice to be over.

   Maybe it's the thought that there's still one BIG observation that I find facing the last few weeks difficult. I do wish and wish that I don't have to face it, but I guess I should be thankful and try my best for it. It's not easy getting this honour, and I know getting this opportunity does not mean I have achieved anything yet. For everything depends on how much work I have put into planning my final lesson, and preparing my portfolio and what-not. And have I put a lot of effort into doing all this? I dunno.

   I hope I'll do well. Whatever the results.

The Silent Treatment - It Works After All

   I have a soft spot for kids. I guess. I really don't have the heart to be angry at them, or to keep at it when I do manage to get angry at all. I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing. Maybe it's because I'm still pretty much a kid at heart myself.

   With 3 Cerdik, this does create problems sometimes. They are, as Madam Jane says, 'too comfortable' with me, that they're not afraid at all when I show the slightest hint of being angry at them. They'd just continue shouting and running around, and if they do realise that I'm angry, they'd argue over who made teacher angry. great.

   Last week, however, brought about a totally new experience for me, and for them too.

   SKP had its UPP (Ujian Pengesanan Prestasi, which is sort of like a monthly test but is not done monthly) last week, so Eza and I were free from lesson plans for one whole week. Hurray! To top it off, we had had our final observation for English the week before, so we were in good spirits when the week started off.

   We'd been given the UPP timetable earlier, and were told that we were supposed to enter classes according to our usual periods to invigilate the exam. I think this is what most schools do to make things easier rather than to draft out a whole new timetable for invigilators.

   When I entered the class as usual on Tuesday, I could feel trouble brewing. The problem with Year 3 is that since I'm mostly very laid-back and easygoing during classes, they automatically become extra energetic whenever they're with me. So, as soon as the teacher left the class, they started chatting and winking at each other. I just ignored them. As long as they didn't make too much noise, it was fine with me.

   However, on Wednesday things took a different turn. I don't remember what subject they were doing, but as usual they had finished early and started to get restless. They began passing notes and doodling on pieces of scrap paper. I thought this was not proper as it was during an exam, so I told them that I only wanted to see their exam paper and pencil cases on their desks. As usual, the cheeky little things started asking whether a whole bunch of things were allowed on the table. I was tolerant enough until one boy (whose name I will not mention here) asked if one item (which I will also not mention) was allowed on the table too.

   I glared at the boy-who-must-not-be-named. What he said was not only rude, but also rather obscene, and I knew that it was something that he would not have dared say to another teacher. At this time, the others were building up a racket, and without realising it I started to get really angry. At first I scolded a little, but when it did not work, I administered The Silent Treatment. Haha. What a name, huh?

Even these big fellas know how to give each other the Silent Treatment, huh?

(source)

   Now, this 'treatment' is one that Eza has recommended a number of times. She said what one has to do is to pull a very 'ketat' or tight face so that the kids know you're angry. I've tried it a number of times, but it never really worked, probably because I couldn't keep my face serious long enough with the kids. Besides, I rarely really, truly feel very angry with them, so I know that I don't mean it when I make tight faces. Maybe that's why tight faces don't work with me. In addition, even if I do it, they don't think I'm angry, they think I'm sulking. So I gave up and just try my best to keep them occupied through the class to keep them from being too noisy.

   This time, however, I was really angry. So I went to my seat and completely ignored them. If anyone made any noise, I would look at them until they stopped. At first, they did not notice, but soon the class went from noisy to a little less noisy. They started to notice that I was angry with them. Some of them called out to me, but I ignored them, which was not hard to do at first since I was really angry. However, the feeling started  to wear off after a while, but I gritted my teeth and kept at it. By this time I was wondering if Eza's Silent Treatment really worked. So far it was working, so I thought I should go on.

   When the time for the exam was up, I stood up and collected their papers, silently and without looking at their faces. By then, they knew that something was wrong. I completely ignored them, and when they tried being playful with me I kept a straight face and averted my gaze. This was something new to them, as I'd never ignored their jokes. In fact, I would usually join in.

   After that, I went back to my seat. There were still about 10 minutes left before break, so I wrote on the board: Break at 11 am. Yes, I did. I was so determined to carry on with the experiment that I did not want to say a single word to them. Laugh if you want. Anyway, it started to get a bit difficult because they wanted to console me. Some of them came to me and asked what was wrong, but I kept quiet. It was especially difficult when Alif, for whom I have a really soft spot, began peering at me from under his long eyelashes and calling "Teacher? Teacher?" in his high-pitched voice. Eza would understand how difficult it was for me to have ignored this!

   When the bell rang for break, I left the class, with the boys running after me. I ignored them. It was all that I could do to keep my face straight, but I did it. I thought that I'd ignored them enough for the day, so I decided that I'd go back to being nice the next day.

   But then things happened... and changed everything. I felt so hurt and so horribly betrayed. I did not know how far the truth stretched,  but I knew that most of it was. I can't speak of it. But I did know that I could not face Year 3 smiling for the rest of the week.

   When I entered the class the next day, I could sense that they had been expecting my Silent Treatment. I went straight to the Teacher's Table and dumped the question papers and my things on it. They were supposed to have their English test, but it was not due to start in 50 minutes. Usually, I would rack my brains for activities to keep them occupied, but this time I only spoke a few words. I told them to revise their lessons to prepare for the English paper, and that was that.

   It was the first time the class kept quiet without any effort on my part. They knew I was angry and they knew that I meant it. I returned their files so that they could study, and I pointedly averted my gaze. One boy, Syukri who is usually one of the naughtiest, started looking for old worksheets and sending them to me to be marked, which i did. I only talked when necessary and I swear the class has never been so quiet during my time with them! I would have enjoyed it more had I not felt really angry with them.

   I could see that the girls were affected by my treatment and longed to talk to me. Aisyah M looked sad and unhappy, while Aisyah R kept hovering in front of my desk as if she wanted to ask me what was wrong. It took all my willpower not to answer to their sad faces. Besides, I felt too drained of energy myself. Alif was absent, so I don't know what difference he would have made to my mood.

   I could go on and on describing what happened, but it will probably be very boring. My point is, if you have trouble controlling your class, and you want to administer the Silent Treatment, you have to really grit you teeth and go at it. It's not easy, but if the kids are close to you they will feel the difference in your treatment towards them. I don't know if it's a good kind of treatment, but if you think it's necessary then do it. Don't feel too bad about it, sometimes we have to be a bit mean to teach them a lesson or two.

   As for my kids, I did not see them much for the rest of the week as I had no classes on Friday. The following week was a holiday so I figured I would not see them until after the hols, but I happened to meet them just before the bell rang for the day. They slowly came up to me and began to tell me their marks for their BM paper, so I gave in and talked to them.

   The Silent Treatment- it works. It was an interesting experience, but I really hope I don't have to do it again. I like my kids too much to have to ignore them again. I hope that's a good thing.

Even Little Kids Can Break Hearts...

   I cannot even begin to speak of what I felt and experienced today. As Tikah said, this was a test from Allah. We all get tested by Him, all the time. Perhaps just in different ways.

   What I have learnt today is that you don't need a boyfriend to have your heart broken. Even little kids are capable of doing that to you. If you're a teacher, your pupils can do that quite well too.

   I don't feel like facing them tomorrow. Ya Allah, please give me guidance.

Big Classes vs. Small Classes

   When I first went to SKP to see what it was like, I asked the guard how many pupils the school had. He said they had around 80 pupils.

   "From Year 1 to Year 6?" I asked.

   "Yes," he answered without batting an eyelid. "This year we had 8 pupils who registered for Year 1."

   That was last year. There you go. As soon as I heard that, I estimated that the most I would have for a class was 15 pupils.

   When I got here, I found that I would be teaching English to 11 children. 6 boys and 5 girls.

   Hah! She'e got it easy, you think. 11 pupils? Well, you think wrong. Well, perhaps you are not entirely wrong. A lot of my friends say that I have it easy because there are so few pupils in my class. Even my supervisor said I was lucky, as was my partner who got 14 in her class. I say, try teaching my pupils and see what it's like.

   What I mean is, perhaps the number of pupils does affect your teaching in class. Maybe having fewer pupils helps you to have better classroom control and management. But it's not necessarily so. In my case, it was very, very difficult. For one thing, I did not give the impression of a strict teacher when I first entered my class. I was nice. I smiled. In fact, I did all the things that my seniors and friends who have had experience in teaching warned me not to do.

   For the first few weeks of my class, I experienced all sorts of disasters. Kids crying. Kids fighting and squabbling. I think it's normal, but for me it was difficult because I felt that I should not have any excuse for being unable to control my class. Some of my friends have over 40 pupils in their class. I had eleven. 11! And i still could not control them.

   Another thing that bugged me all the time when I teach in class is managing how I gave my attention to the children. My problem was that I knew every child so well... so much so that I wanted to help each and every one of them to learn according to their own styles. I could not see the children as one class. Instead, I saw them as individual beings who each need my help in different ways. It bothered (and still bothers) me, and distracted me from trying to keep the class under control.

   One of the most embarrassing things was how, when Mdm J. came to observe, a teacher who happened to pass by my class, asked another teacher, "Isn't there a lecturer in that class?" The children were that noisy. at first they were quite in awe of Mdm J., but that soon passed. 9-year-olds. Yeah. I wonder if I was ever that bad. The thing is, they're not bad children. They just can't help quarreling with each other. When they speak, they just have to raise the volume of their voices to the utmost level. If they need to ask me something, they come running to me instead of waiting patiently in their seats.

   Alhamdulillah, things have turned for the better now. They have improved a little (and hope I have too...) thanks to some 'help from my guiding teacher, haha. Now, they at least try to glue their bottoms to their own seats. They don't shout so much, but sometimes I still can't help feeling exasperated when they get too boisterous. The thing is, I don't mind how noisy they are as long as they do their work, but I cannot let them distract the other classes. Oh well. Time will tell whether I've improved and whether they have learned anything at all form my classes.

   So that's it. Whatever happens, however big or small your class is, you still have different sorts of challenges to face. Don't say things like, "You have it easy, you have such a small number in your class!", or "You're lucky for getting the smarter ones, you don't have to use BM at all." Don't someone else has it easy. you don't know the difficulties they're going through, and by giving these comments to them you're just bugging them even more. Just saying so from experience.

   And whatever happens, don't give up. Find one small moment in your class that makes you feel that you have to go. Something that helps to lift your spirits a little. Don't keep finding excuses. And DON't compare your pupils to that of others. Your pupils are special. They need you, just like other pupils need their own teacher. If you don't want to be there with them, they can feel it.

   I give my best wishes and prayers to all teacher trainees and teachers who are fighting, every single day, to make the world a better place by educating our children. May Allah bless our efforts, Insya-Allah.

Finally!

   That's it. It's done and over with. Alhamdulillah.

   This morning Mdm J. came to SKP for her final observation on my partner and I. All this week, I've been a total wreck- only grabbing a few hours of sleep at night, squeezing in another few after getting back to school... and still, there is always so much to do.

   I was afraid when Mdm J. had not yet shown up when my class was about to begin. Usually, she will come for observations on Thursdays as it's the only day on which my class and Eza's don't clash. On Thursday I have three periods with Year 3. What I usually do is prepare two lesson plans for the three periods - one 30-minute lesson & one 1 hour lesson. Mdm J. usually enters during the second and third period to observe my 1 hour lesson, so I try to use the one period lesson to prepare my pupils for it.... yeah, yeah I know it's cheating a bit, haha.

   Anyway, to cut the story short I began to feel nervous when she did not show up at 9.45 a.m. (which is when the 2nd period for my English lesson starts), so I grit my teeth and started the lesson. Just after my set induction finished, she entered the class and sat at the back. Some time later, my guiding teacher came in too.

   It was a good lesson. I was mostly nervous because of my portfolio, which was still only halfway done, but I enjoyed teaching the kids. They were so good- so much so that I felt like hugging them at the end of the class. They paid attention, and volunteered to answer questions. The topic was interesting for them, I guess, so that was good too.

   It was the first time that I felt good after the end of a lesson for which Mdm. J. observed. It's a good feeling, knowing that your pupils have learnt something new (hopefully!). I was also very happy because Amirul actually tried doing his worksheets without being told to! Who's Amirul, you ask? I will tell you all about him, and all about the other 10 sweethearts (and imps!) in my class soon.

   For now, one stage is over. I do not know if I am ready to face another. It will be difficult, and I must always be prepared, and I do not think I am up for the challenge nor do I think I deserve the chance, but I hope things will go well. This is not just for me- it's for all those people who love and have supported me throughout everything that has happened in my life.

   And my partner. What would I do without her? She doesn't read my entries (I'm not even sure if she knows I have a blog) but one thing is sure- I could not have asked for a better partner. She has done so well too, and I'm proud of her.

   So one little advice that I can give from this entry to all teacher trainees who will at one time or another face teaching practice- build a good rapport with your partner (or team mates for that matter) during practicum. You will need each other's backs. If you are allowed to choose, choose someone that you think you can work with and are comfortable with. Help each other.

   And that's all for now. Thank you. May Allah bless all of you who read this.

The final is finally coming... & I'm not ready

   Just a short note - my final observation is tomorrow!

   I can't sleep today. Sometimes I can't help feeling that it's unfair, that my partner and I have to face our final observation tomorrow when some of our friends have only had one observation. I know it can't be helped though, and I also know that Allah knows best, and as one of my good friends once said, "Susunan Allah itu cantik" which means Allah has made arrangements and everything He does is perfect.

   So I believe in Allah, and I pray that I'll believe in myself too. The number one being I am doing this for is of course Allah. And I know that I should do it for myself, but it's not enough to make me want it that badly. I want to do it for my parents, family, teachers, friends and all those who have supported me so much throughout life. I know that there are people who believe in me, and wish only for the best for me.

   Ummi & Abuya, this is for you. And for all who love me and are loved by me.

6 Weeks Gone, 6 More to Come!!! (And some info on teaching practice)

   Can you believe that I am now half way through teaching practice?

   That's right. The period for my teaching practice is 12 weeks, and yesterday marked the end of the sixth week. 6 down, 6 more to go! Hurray!!!!

   Yesterday, my friends and I went to our IPG for tutorial. The tutorial was organised by the practicum unit, and during the session we were supposed to ask questions, fill in some forms etc. We also met our supervisors. During the session, I was surprised to know that some of my friends have not even had a single observation by their supervisor! I guess the particular lecturers/s are very busy.

   As for my own group of friends who are being supervised by the same lecturer, Madam J., we are nearly at the end of our journey! Most of us have had our 3rd observation, and are waiting for our final one.

   Let me explain give some background info on the teaching practice that I'm going through. I am not sure if the same condition applies for other programmes, but this is basically what goes for ours (B. Ed Tesl - Twinning Programme between IPG KPM and IIUM). We only have 2 stages of practicum as compared to the other programmes which are totally under the IPG (which by the way stands for Insitut Pendidikan Guru).

1. School Based Experience (SBE) or also known as Rancangan Orientasi Sekolah (ROS)-  No teaching or anything, just observations and preparing reports. You can read my half-hearted writing about it in my earlier entries.
2. Teaching Practice (12 weeks) - What I'm going through now. It's the only time that we're given to practice teaching. At one go. The other programmes at IPG have about 3 shots at it I think, throghout their time there. We only get one shot, and have to do it in 12 weeks.

   So that's it. Now for teaching practice, we are observed both by our supervising lecturer and guiding teacher. They're both sort of mentors who will help us during teaching practice. My partner and I share 1 lecturer, together with 6 other people, and we also share the same guiding teacher at SK Pegoh- one for English and another for PS. The observations are as follows:

   Major Subject (English):
   Number of observations by supervising lecturer: 3
   Number of observations by guiding teacher: 4
   Number of observations by both lecturer & teacher: 1 (Final observation, and the one that determines your grade for the whole teaching practice period)

   Minor Subject (Art)

   Number of observations by supervising lecturer: 2

   Number of observations by guiding teacher: 3

   Number of observations by both lecturer & teacher: 1 (Final observation, and the one that determines your grade for the whole teaching practice period)

   So altogether we each individually have to go through 14 observation in 12 weeks. Just imagine!

   Now, in the case of Madam J's mentees, we have it a little more difficult. Our lecturer is pregnant, and she is due in March. It's only a few days before March arrives, right? Tada! I'm having my final observation next week. That's right, it's during our 7th week. Some of our friends who have other lecturers have not even been observed, while most have only been observed for 1 or 2 times. As for my partner and I, our grade will be determined next week. We have to get our portfolio ready, as well as be prepared to teach really well.

  And you know what? After 6 weeks, I sometimes feel like I still don't know what I'm doing. I still need more practice. I still can't control the class. And I have to prepare for my final observation. In fact I have to prepare for two observations next week. My guiding teacher is coming in for the final time on her own, and then it'll be her and Mdm J. together. The Finale.

   I am under great pressure. I have to prepare for these things as well as make preparations for my kids because they are having their first UPP the week after (8-10 March). I'm preparing the exam questions, and their English subject is wholly under my responsibility for 3 months.

   I'm scared. I'm under pressure. Yet here I am typing away on this blog. Duh.

   If I have any readers at all, please, please pray for me. Pray that I'll do well. Thank you.

Teaching is NOT easy!!!!

   Wow, has it been nearly a month since I last wrote? The thing is, I probably have a long queue of drafts waiting to be posted, but I never get the chance to finish any of them which is why you don't see any new posts.

   It's a pity, I guess. I wanted this blog to be a memoir of my journey as a teacher trainee- I wanted to write about the processes that I've gone through (and am still going through), the ups and downs of my LiFe as a TeaCHeR, all the trials, things that make me feel like giving up, things that help to strengthen me and keep me going... everything. I do not know if anyone even reads this blog- every time I visit my own blow, I can see that the total number of page views increases (which I find to be very strange). In fact, it used to be way behind compared to the other blog that I write in, but now the numbers have caught up and this blog has surpassed that of the other one! (Sorry for the confusing way in which I'm writing. I just got back from a difficult class, which I'll write about later).

   My point is, I know I do not have many readers. Perhaps just one or two people who happen to be blog walking come across and my blog and that's what increases the page view number. But in the end, it doesn't matter I guess. What matters is that perhaps one of my stories can help someone see things in a different way. maybe it'll help another teacher trainee who happen to come by and read. Maybe it'll let some people know that teaching is hard. It is difficult, and it is especially so when you are just starting out. And yet teachers don't give up. They'll go on trying, and they won't stop. Otherwise, would you still see schools functioning? Would you be where you are now?

   I have loved most (if not all) my teachers up to now. Alhamdulillah I've always been the sort who is not afraid of my teachers or lecturers. I find it easy to talk to them and be in their good books (most of the time anyway). I usually like my teachers and it's very rare that I dislike one. If I do, then something is probably wrong with me (or the teacher/lecturer? I don't know, haha).

   What I always try to remember until now is Ummi's words. I remember how she told me once to never speak badly of my teachers or lecturers. It was a simple reminder, but it hangs true, and I try my best to hold on to it to this very day. Yes, it's true that sometimes your teachers and lecturers can be very trying. I remember some occasions in which I cried after getting scolded (if you were one of my Cohort 4 TESL friends, you may remember the times during our TESL Camp. Boy did I cry!). Yet after a while, I began to see that whenever something is extra difficult, up to the point where you just cannot hold it in anymore and you cry- those are the moments that help to shape you. If you let them help you, they'll help you.

   After 6 weeks of teaching practice, I sometimes feel that I still do not know what I am doing. Sometimes I feel like I'm groping in the dark, trying to find something to hold on to. I'm not blind, but I can't see. It's even more frustrating than being blind altogether. It is so very frustrating. I've shed tears, and on some days I feel so exhausted that I cannot think. I have little time to think of how I look- hey, a pupil even commented that I have a lot of pimples today! Rude boy. It's a good thing you're not in my class, haha.

   I'm scared. I do not know if I can become a good teacher. I don't know if I can become any sort of teacher. The knowledge that I have to be one no matter what happens (considering the fact that I'm tied to the government after graduating, due to my scholarship)- that and the fact that I still don't know how to really teach scares me. Yet I still want to do it.

  And I am about to say something that you probably will think is rather superficial. Not true. A lie. The thing is, I used to hope that I could get Cemerlang for my teaching practice. However, as soon as I started at SKP, those hopes started to fade away. Right now, I don't- no, I CAN't care about getting Cemerlang. I'm used to getting good grades and having a comfortable position when it comes to marks. So I did hope to get good results for teaching practice.

   But now? What matters to me is that I want to be able to teach my pupils. I want to help them learn. For example, today's class was a disaster. I felt useless, and I wished my guiding teacher (who was supervising my class today) had given me the lowest marks for everything. But she didn't, even after I requested. Yes, I requested. What do you think of that?

   The thing is, in the end your marks do matter. However, I don't want to teach well just for the sake of getting good marks. I want to do it just for the sake of Allah. I want to know that my pupils are learning something. Marks matter, but I don't want to teach well just during the classes I'm being observed. I want to teach well all the time.

   I guess I'm putting too much pressure on myself. I know I should take things slowly. I won't stop trying. Even if kills me (I hope it doesn't!).

A Small Taste of SK Pegoh

   Let me talk  a little bit about SK Pegoh. The place where I am currently doing my teaching practice.

   It's a small school. By small, I mean with a population of 73 pupils. The biggest number of pupils in a class is 18 in Standard 6, and 7- yes, 7 in Standard 2. There were 12 teachers, but with our arrival and that of another new teacher, the teaching staff currently consists of 15 people. 6 male teachers and 9 ladies.

   I thought the school I went to for SBE was small, with 308 pupils, but this school beats all the small schools I know. The Head told us that it's under-enrolled, but I'm not sure for what reason. Maybe because there are so many schools in Alor Gajah? I don't know.

   The school is quite beautiful, in my view. It's very clean, and I especially love looking at the surroundings just after the rain has stopped. Everything looks so fresh and clean. It's small, with two double-storey buildings- 1 for classes (Standard 1 to Standard 5) and the other for the office, library, Standard 6 class, and Science lab. There's a small building that house the computer lab, and the canteen. And that's it. Yeah.

   I teach two classes. 2 Bijak and 3 Cerdik. I teach two subjects. Art and English.

   I teach Art to 2 Bijak. there are seven of them. Three girls and four boys. Once, one of them was absent, so only six were left. Six pupils. I felt like I was doing home tuition, haha. They are such cuties, though. Judging from my friends' stories about them, I think Standard 2 pupils a.k.a. 8-year-olds are all generally cutie pies who are in the stage where everything their teacher does is incredible and amazing. They admire you so much that you can help feeling flattered and like going to their class. I guess the small number of these bunch in my class helps too. It's easy to focus your attention on each and every one of them, and it's also so easy to get them to do their work. Let's just say it, I love them.

   I teach both English and Art to 3 Cerdik. Now these people are a different story. There are 11 of them, but by the time I leave their class each day, it feels like I've been trampled by 100 kids. Well, no, perhaps that's not true, but they do take a lot of energy to handle. I know I shouldn't be saying this, when some of my friends have to handle up to 40 pupils in one class, but I guess each to their own, huh? They fight a lot, and just cannot stop saying bad words to each other (which really gets on my nerves for some reason).

   But there are some really clever ones, and the others are okay. Just one or two who need pushing, and there's one particularly lazy boy who I would love to (but will never do of course), using my supervisor's words, kick his ass! Yes, my lecturer said that, hehe. But she also said that I have to find a way to make him buck up a bit. As Mdm J. said, if no one does anything to help him, he'll be the one who'll cry and the end, wondering why nobody ever forced him to learn and let him end up as a no-good-for-nothing.

   The good thing about small schools is that you find it easy to remember the names of most of the children. i probably remember half their names by now, and it's also less embarrassing when you can remember the names of the teachers at one go!

   So that's SK Pegoh. No pictures yet, I'm afraid, since I don't have a USB cable, but wait for it. Soon. Soon.

   p.s. Alor Gajah was flooded to day. It rained non-stop for two days, and we couldn't get to school.

My First Observed Teaching

   The day finally came... and with it, my supervising lecturer. What a nerve-wrecking week I had! First of all, I have spent sleepless nights all day this week- except for last night. Last night, I totally blacked out to the whole world. Is this what teaching practice is like? When I went for SBE, I always had enough rest and even had time to Facebook every night. Now, I only have time to sneak a peek or two at FB and then log off.

   Anyhow, let's talk about my what I intended to in the first place. Last week, when my supervising lecturer came, she told my partner and I that since we had both had classes that don't clash on Tuesdays and Thursdays, she would probably come on either day. So this week, we prepared for Tuesday. Truth be told, I was NOT ready when Tuesday came. I didn't sleep preparing, and yet I felt that I was at all prepared to be observed.

   Then, on Wednesday, I got an sms from Mdm J. She asked if we could arrange to have classes on Friday. I felt quite relieved, but the tension was still there. Once again, I spent another sleepless night on Thursday. I worked hard, but I was concentrating so much on my lesson plan that I totally forgot about my portfolio. Ah yes. I'd rather not talk about that. I feel so very guilty, even now.

   My advise is... do not leave your lesson planning until the last minute. You may get very brilliant ideas when that jolt of adrenaline is rushing through your system, but you won't have time to go through your lesson a few times to make sure you remember everything. You really NEED to know and remember each and every detail of your plan so that if something goes wrong, you'll know what to do.

   Since Mdm J is pregnant and our class is at the top of a mountain, we asked to use the science lab for our observed teaching. I went first, and had my class from 8.45 a.m. to 9.45 a.m., followed by partner.

   At first, I thought I'd teach grammar, since Mdm J taught us grammar and all, but I changed my plan at the last minute and decided to teach them writing. Well, not that much of writing actually ,just writing words and copying down sentences. I shall upload the lesson plan if anyone is interested, but remember I am still learning and there may be mistakes. Comments are very much welcomed.

   The topic I choose was Objects in the Kitchen. I had already taught them Objects in the Bedroom, and found that the children loved worksheets and loved finishing one off just so they could do another one. Well, perhaps not all of them do, but two or three are like that. (Did I tell you I just have 11 children in my class. Yes.)

   To cut things short, when I finished my class, I thought that it was a total disaster. I forgot all about my third step (The Snail Game) until the last minute, and we didn't have time to play it. I was too busy marking the children's worksheets and forgot to look at the time. The children were quite well-behaved for once, but Amirul is SOOOO lazy. I had to literally pull him out of his chair to make him walk around the class to do his work. The others were quite noisy, but personally I don't mind if they are as long as they do it while working.

   Mdm J. said I should try to insert more fun in my class. although I thought my classroom management was awful, she said that my instruction were very clear and easy to understand. I won't tell you what else she wrote in my PR form, but I didn't feel like I deserve them... I thought I was worse!

   The moral of the story is... plan your lessons ahead of time. In fact, plan several lessons ahead of time so that you only need to go over them and make repairs here and there a or two before class. When do you do it? Do it during the weekend. That's what I'm going to do. So tata for now. I'll share more stories next time (I have load of those, wait for them!)

My First Day At School... Was a Lot Better Than My First Day of SBE!

   And so... my first day of teaching practice Sekolah Kebangsaan Pegoh ended. Just like that.

   No. Not just like that. I've so much to do, and in such little time. My head is spinning, and I feel like throwing up, not to mention feeling nervous (something that won;t go away for some time, I'm sure). I think all teacher trainees go through it. I suppose it's normal.

   Today, my partner and I actually planned to go to school early, but we didn't expect the traffic to be quite so busy as it was. We arrived at 7.20 am, which was quite late for this school as they have daily programmes that start at 7 everyday. Yes. You read right. If I'm not mistaken, most of my friends' schools are also like that.

   As soon as we arrived, we met the Senior Assistant Teacher (or GPK 1 which stand for Guru Penolong Kanan 1), who talked to us for a while and promised to give us a short briefing after the assembly ended. Coincidentally, our first day at school was the opening ceremony for the NILAM programme at SKP. We received a small brochure for the programme (yay! One document for our portfolio) and exchanged brief greetings with some of the teachers.

   It was a relief to have my partner around. I can still remember how awful, lonely, miserable and out of place I felt during the first days of my SBE last year! This time, it was nice to have someone I know to talk to and share jokes and laughs from time to time. At least one doesn't feel so awkward to be 'the new guy'.

   I won't describe the NILAM ceremony, but it was quite simple. The pupils sat on chairs during the assembly. Not surprising of course- there are only 73 of them! They were quite some of the most well-behaved children I've seen so far, probably because there are so few of them and discipline is easier to handle.

   After the ceremony ended, we had our briefing with the GPK 1, who was very nice and straightforward. He helped lessen the anxiety that we had by assuring us that a small school would help to give us better control of the class, better attention from children and more.

   He assigned us to our respective classes.( Ahhhhh!!!!) I was assigned to teach English for Year 3 and Art for Year 2 and Year 3, while my partner was assigned to Year 4 English and Art for Year 4 and 5. The GPK 1 thought that it would be easier to assign one person for Level 1 pupils (Standard 1 to 3) and the other for Level 2 pupils (Year 4 to 6) as it would help to make us familiar with our pupils.

   Initially, our minor subject was Local Studies, but the GPK said that since there is only 1 class for each level, we would only have 9 or 10 hours per week each. So he requested that we change to Arts, as we could take four classes, which means that I would take 2 classes (four hours) and my partner would take another two (also four hours). This meant that I would have 12 hours since there are 8 hours for Level 1 English while my partner would have 7 hours as that is the allocated time for Level 2 English.

   We spent the rest of the day meeting our 'guru pembimbing' and the teachers from whom we would be taking over classes. We found out what topics they had already taught, and where we should pick up. We also looked at (and borrowed!) the yearly planner so that we could look at the topics and skills we would be teaching.

   In the afternoon, we had co-curricular activities for uniformed bodies and some games. Since there are so few pupils, the school only has a uniformed body- Scouts.

   Well, that's it for today. I'm afraid it's all rather dry and straightforward, as there are no pictures. I haven't had much time to take any, and my camera phone doesn't produce very good photos. I have plans to buy a camera, but that will have to wait!

   Tomorrow my partner and I have to enter relief classes! I wonder how we'll manage...

   Special thanks to my partner for being my partner! Haha. Insya-Allah things will be easier when one has a friend to talk to :D Let's help each other, ne! Ganbatte!